Succeeding in College

Below is an odd piece for Building Bravehearts. It is a piece I have been toying with to help address college success of students in Arkansas, where I live. I am convinced that academic ability is important, but more is needed to actually succeed in college. Notice that all seven qualities are themes throughout Building Bravehearts and can be used anywhere at no cost: character, service, passion, wisdom, mindset, relationships, and values. 

Your feedback is welcome as I refine the ideas!  

  Deep College Prep

            Only two states and the District of Columbia have worse college graduation rates than Arkansas.  Only thirty-nine percent of Arkansas students who begin a four year public college graduate within six years.

            What do we do about it?  How do we see more young people spend less time, less money, learn more, and graduate often?

I grew up in rural Kentucky with a suspect academic background.  Neither of my parents finished high school, my father only going through eighth grade.  He worked in a factory.  I should not have been one of those who graduated from college.  But, there are some reasons that I made it, reasons that go deeper than our traditional approach to increasing levels of graduation rates.  Reasons that will work for our children.

            The Department of Education has rightly focused on strengthening the quality of learning through elementary, middle, and high school.  The University of Arkansas system and other colleges are working with high schools, admissions, and incoming students to build their academic abilities.  These are needed and good.

            However, while increased academic quality is essential, we can’t stop there.  More is needed to succeed.  A student who has ability and has learned good skills and knowledge is like a basketball player who has natural ability and has been coached well.  The player needs that ability and those skills to play at a higher level.  But, he needs a lot more to succeed. He needs things like increased commitment, harder work, teamwork, coachability, and other personal qualities. A student going to college also needs ability and skills. But, the student needs strong personal qualities to actually make it through college and graduate.

            Below are seven competencies that will help any student succeed in college.  These qualities go deeper than academic ability alone.  When a student has them, the student more often succeeds and can even overcome a weaker academic background. With a good academic background and these deep college preparations, our students will have successful college experiences.

            First, a student needs strong character.  Character will keep the student making good choices when away from home.  Poor choices about time, money, and people lead to failure quickly.  Courage to do right can be learned.  Parents help children develop strong character by being examples and by making sure their children have other adults and peers who value positive character.  As parents live out good character, they should talk about what is important and why with their children, even teens.

            Second, a student should focus on others.  Learning to serve others will help a student fit into a bigger world.  If a student thinks that everything is about him and then runs into the realty in college that life isn’t that way, he crashes and gives up.  Families and schools can encourage students to meet needs in their community or further away. Becoming involved with people different than their family can help students prepare for the bigger world of college.

            Third, a student should have a passion for something important.  This passion will give him a direction in college and a reason for what he is doing.  While passions may change, parents who encourage children to pursue a purpose with heart will have children who expand their abilities, grow strong, and do amazing things.  Listen and encourage dreams.  Avoid telling a child it is impossible or that he is too young for something big.  Give him or her purpose.

            Fourth, wisdom will help a student gain respect and manage day-to-day life with friends and finances.  Wisdom is the practical application of things we know about people and life.  It says things like, “be slow to speak,” “be slow to anger,” and tells us that words are pretty empty without actions.  Expect children to pause before reacting, think about good ways to solve problems, and to treat people right.  Wisdom is a powerful gift to give children to prepare them for college success.

            Fifth, a student with a great work ethic will make good use of money and time in college.  Not everyone will be a scholar with straight A’s, but everyone can become the best they can be. Parents should not let children think that grades or honors can be bought or they deserve them.  Applaud effort, not grades or touchdowns scored.  Effort will serve students well in every situation, especially if things are hard.  A student with a mindset of working hard to make things better instead of giving up will do well in college.

            Sixth, good relationships are important for college success and life.  Lone rangers can get wrapped up in their own thoughts and not get the support that a college student needs.  They are at a great risk for emotional problems.  And, much of success in college and life depends on working with people.  Help children become involved in groups and activities in which they have an interest.  Be relentless to find a place and a group where children are doing something they enjoy with others outside of class in school, church, or the community.

            Seventh, a child who values education will find ways to get it and make it work.  Adults in children’s lives must value education and make sure their children know how important it is to them, both mothers and fathers.   While my parents didn’t finish high school, I knew all of my life that education was important to them, especially for my sister and me.  They taught us that education was the way to live a different life with opportunity that they didn’t have.  I valued it and that value kept me going.

            While these seven ideas for deeper college preparation won’t guarantee that children will succeed in college, they will give them a much better chance of a wonderful college experience that ends in graduation.  As parents, schools, and churches are intentional about preparing students in these areas, deep roots grow to support college success.  At little cost and possible for every child.

Top Ten Braveheart Builders

Here is a quick list of ideas that can help you give your child the courage to try, so he or she can be the person and live the life God planned. They are explored with more detail in older posts.

1. Discover passion.  Passion, especially from being "called" or doing right, trumps everything.

2. Develop strength.  Strength of mind, soul, and body gives confidence, be "strong and courageous."

3. Past experiences.  David beat Goliath partly because David had already conquered a lion and bear.

5. Find fit.  Matching gifts and abilities with the task gives courage.

6. Growth mindset.  See everything as a way to grow so that fear of failure goes away.

7. Model courage. There is nothing more powerful in teaching children than to see it in the lives of parents.

8. Manage risk. Anything important has risk, so learn to manage it instead of waiting to get rid of it.

9. Live life. Life is meant to be lived abundantly and with purpose, how sad to watch others live it.

10. Trust God. Faith in the Living God allows men and women to overcome fears and make a difference.

And there may be others.  What comes to your mind?

True Grit

The old True Grit with John Wayne is my favorite movie.  It was tested last night when my family went to see the new True Grit with Jeff Bridges. I really enjoyed many parts of the new film.  But, the old one still holds my heart with memorable scenes like Glen Campbell in the boarding house and John Wayne in his final charge into the bad guys.  And, I liked the happier ending in the old movie (even though Glen Campbell died).  Both are great films.

In case you haven't seen the movies, Maddie Ross is a fourteen year old girl intent on avenging her father's murder.  She was seeking a man with "true grit" to go after her father's killer.  She chose Rooster Cogburn (John Wayne/Jeff Bridges), not because he was a "good" federal marshall, but because he got the job done, usually with little regard for those who got in his way.  He was wild and rough, but "Little Sister," Maddie, won a place in his gruff heart.

 
Who is the braveheart in the film?  On the surface, it was Marshall Rooster Cogburn.  Maddie was seeking a man with "true grit" who would help her find her father's killer.  And, she was confident she had found him in Rooster.  But, Maddie confessed later that maybe she had picked the wrong man for "true grit" when Rooster faltered.  She had actually found two strong men to fight, but men less than perfect and turned  at times by selfishness and money (Rooster Cogburn and Texas Ranger Glenn Campbell/Matt Damon).

Who is the person in the movie with real "true grit," the real braveheart?  Unfaltering, courageous, steadfast, persistent, and sacrificial? 

It is Maddie herself.

The men served a purpose, helping Maddie with her passion.  How did she get such strong men to help and to actually follow her?  Her passion.  Nothing would get in the way.  An attitude of "get on board or I will find someone else."  Her noble call to bring her father's killer to justice drew big men to her side.  But, she was the one with real true grit, the braveheart in the movie.

Passion usually trumps giftedness, money, and pain in a braveheart's life.  A commitment to a noble cause takes the braveheart outside self and often into risky and difficult situations.  While I am a big believer in knowing our strengths and using them well, passion for a cause or a person will take a braveheart outside his or her areas of strength and ease.  Weaknesses can be compensated by others with the right strengths, like Rooster did for Maddie.  But, it is the commitment to a noble cause that leads and transcends weakness and difficulty.

How do we get our children to develop passions for noble causes that will drive them out of ease and into making a difference?  Here are a  few ideas.  Maybe you can think of  others.

* Be an example:  What is important enough in our lives as parents to choose risk and difficulty?

* Show ideas and needs:  Personally, in print, at the dinner table, or in film let them see real needs.

* Applaud trying:  Encourage them when they take a risk for another person or an idea.

* Prepare them: Help your children practice tackling challenges so they know they can and have confidence.

* Hold them loosely:  Don't force your passions and life plans on them, let God lead their hearts, encouraging when you can.

Maddie was the real braveheart with "true grit."

Passion triumphs.

The big guys follow heart.  Even Rooster.

The Goldilocks Principle

You know the story. “At the table in the kitchen, there were three bowls of porridge. Goldilocks was hungry. She tasted the porridge from the first bowl. ‘This porridge is too hot!’ she exclaimed. So, she tasted the porridge from the second bowl. ‘This porridge is too cold,’ she said. So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge. ‘Ahhh, this porridge is just right,’ she said happily and ate it all up.”

There is an important principle for parenting here. Let’s call it, “The Goldilocks Principle.” A child who is in a class or activity that is “too hot” or “too cold,” that just doesn’t fit how God made him or her will struggle and not enjoy it.  The child will become stuck and lose heart.  (Don’t forget, that hot bowl of porridge was just right for someone else—there is a person for every bowl of porridge! In fact in my research—yes, I really did research on Goldilocks and the Three Bears—one version says the first bowl was too spicy and the second too sweet for Goldilocks, maybe a better picture of what happens to children than too hot or cold.)

But, when Goldilocks found the bowl of porridge that was just right for her, she “ate it all up.” This is so much like our children. When they find a class or activity that is “just right” they eat “it all up.” They hardly notice the time, the effort, or the pain involved. They go for it enthusiastically, gobbling up the course or the activity.  They become bravehearts, ready to use and grow their gifts with passion.

Not long ago, I watched a group of girls gather in the dark at 6:15 am for powder puff football practice. Others thought they were crazy and would have hated it. These girls ate it up, they were laughing and running and banging each other like puppies playing with each other! It was a good fit. They had found some porridge that was just right. What to others may have been drudgery, they loved.

This is the Goldilocks Principle: Find the right porridge and a child happily eats it up. It is a major task of parenting and teaching: Help a child match gifts and passions with the right courses and activities, then watch in amazement as he or she flourishes. You could call this simply, “Cooperating with the Creator” since the goal is to look for that unique blend of gifts and interests that God has placed in each child and to connect each child with life’s options that fit the way he or she was created.

Every child should have something he or she loves to do, especially if most classes or activities are hard or don't fit perfectly.  Finding the right porridge somewhere in life keeps him or her encouraged and confident to keep trying with joy and heart.

Next time:  Eight ideas to help figure out the porridge for your child.

Motivating Courage

"We have a biological drive.  We eat when we're hungry, drink when we're thirsty, have sex to satisfy our carnal urges.  We also have a second drive--we respond to rewards and punishments in our environment.  But what we've forgotten--and what science shows--is that we also have a third drive.  We do things because they're interesting, because they're engaging, because they're the right things to do, because they contribute to the world.  The problem is that, especially in our organizations, we stop at that second drive.  We think the only reason people do productive things is to snag a carrot or avoid a stick.  But that's just not true.  Our third drive--our intrinsic motivation--can be even more powerful."

"I think that our nature is to be active and engaged.  I've never seen a 2-year-old or a 4-year-old who's not active and engaged.  That's how we are out of the box.  And if you begin with this presumption, you create more open, flexible arrangements that almost inevitably lead to greater satisfaction for individuals and great innovation for organizations."  Daniel Pink in "The Great Cognitive Surplus," Wired, June, 2010.

Two Braveheart concepts in the article.  First, "Father's don't exasperate your children that they lose heart," Paul in Colossians Three.  Children only lose what they have; heart is hereditary, "how we are out of the box."  But we help them lose it, a loss so important that Paul warns us. 

Second, passion trumps.  While strength, skill, giftedness, and past experiences help to be a braveheart, the passion to do right things and change the world wins when facing fears.  Passion--for a purpose and from a conviction--is the why.  Feed and water passion.

Oh, one more.  What does "open, flexible arrangements" imply for boxes we build around our children?  Human growth and development says bigger boxes over time.  Room to grow.  Keep the box big enough to create mighty oaks, not trimmed Bonsais in cute containers.