Top Ten Braveheart Builders

Here is a quick list of ideas that can help you give your child the courage to try, so he or she can be the person and live the life God planned. They are explored with more detail in older posts.

1. Discover passion.  Passion, especially from being "called" or doing right, trumps everything.

2. Develop strength.  Strength of mind, soul, and body gives confidence, be "strong and courageous."

3. Past experiences.  David beat Goliath partly because David had already conquered a lion and bear.

5. Find fit.  Matching gifts and abilities with the task gives courage.

6. Growth mindset.  See everything as a way to grow so that fear of failure goes away.

7. Model courage. There is nothing more powerful in teaching children than to see it in the lives of parents.

8. Manage risk. Anything important has risk, so learn to manage it instead of waiting to get rid of it.

9. Live life. Life is meant to be lived abundantly and with purpose, how sad to watch others live it.

10. Trust God. Faith in the Living God allows men and women to overcome fears and make a difference.

And there may be others.  What comes to your mind?

Brain Science in Developing Bravehearts

 Edward Hallowell

Telling a child to try harder doesn't help a child try, except briefly.  Getting a child to have the courage to try cannot be forced. In "What Brain Science Tells Us About How to Excel" (Harvard Business Review, December 2010), Dr. Edward M. Hallowell talks about helping a young man using the "Cycle of Excellence."  Hallowell then applies the "Cycle" to business. We will apply it to building bravehearts.

Dr. Hallowell tells about working with a boy who has lost heart.

"As a child psychiatrist, I'm asked every day to help a struggling young person do better.  For example, I recently saw a boy I'll call Tommy, who was floundering in sixth grade in spite of increasingly vehement exhortations from his teachers and parents to try harder.  I could see how down cast he was, so I immediately turned to a process I've developed for kids like him."

"It began with figuring out what he liked to do (build things and play guitar) and what he was good at (math, science, music, and hands-on projects) and urging him to do those things more often."  Hallowell arranged for the boy to switch classes and advised adults to make sure he was "imaginatively engaged" instead of just sitting.  Rather than threatening, he encouraged adults to say, "I'm asking more from you because I know you have it in you."  The boy soon wanted to go to school, worked harder, and began getting positive feedback which encouraged him to try even harder.

Hallowell has five steps he uses in the "Cycle of Excellence."
1. Select the right task.
2. Connect with colleagues.
3. Play with problems.
4. Grapple with and grow from challenges.
5. Shine in the acknowledgment of your achievements.

In future Braveheart posts, we will explore these five steps and how we can use them to build our bravehearts.  In the meantime, we can begin thinking about what our children like to do and are good at.  And, begin finding ways to allow them to spend more time on these passions and strengths.

(For more information on Dr. Hallowell, go to http://www.drhallowell.com/)

The Goldilocks Principle

You know the story. “At the table in the kitchen, there were three bowls of porridge. Goldilocks was hungry. She tasted the porridge from the first bowl. ‘This porridge is too hot!’ she exclaimed. So, she tasted the porridge from the second bowl. ‘This porridge is too cold,’ she said. So, she tasted the last bowl of porridge. ‘Ahhh, this porridge is just right,’ she said happily and ate it all up.”

There is an important principle for parenting here. Let’s call it, “The Goldilocks Principle.” A child who is in a class or activity that is “too hot” or “too cold,” that just doesn’t fit how God made him or her will struggle and not enjoy it.  The child will become stuck and lose heart.  (Don’t forget, that hot bowl of porridge was just right for someone else—there is a person for every bowl of porridge! In fact in my research—yes, I really did research on Goldilocks and the Three Bears—one version says the first bowl was too spicy and the second too sweet for Goldilocks, maybe a better picture of what happens to children than too hot or cold.)

But, when Goldilocks found the bowl of porridge that was just right for her, she “ate it all up.” This is so much like our children. When they find a class or activity that is “just right” they eat “it all up.” They hardly notice the time, the effort, or the pain involved. They go for it enthusiastically, gobbling up the course or the activity.  They become bravehearts, ready to use and grow their gifts with passion.

Not long ago, I watched a group of girls gather in the dark at 6:15 am for powder puff football practice. Others thought they were crazy and would have hated it. These girls ate it up, they were laughing and running and banging each other like puppies playing with each other! It was a good fit. They had found some porridge that was just right. What to others may have been drudgery, they loved.

This is the Goldilocks Principle: Find the right porridge and a child happily eats it up. It is a major task of parenting and teaching: Help a child match gifts and passions with the right courses and activities, then watch in amazement as he or she flourishes. You could call this simply, “Cooperating with the Creator” since the goal is to look for that unique blend of gifts and interests that God has placed in each child and to connect each child with life’s options that fit the way he or she was created.

Every child should have something he or she loves to do, especially if most classes or activities are hard or don't fit perfectly.  Finding the right porridge somewhere in life keeps him or her encouraged and confident to keep trying with joy and heart.

Next time:  Eight ideas to help figure out the porridge for your child.