Succeeding in College

Below is an odd piece for Building Bravehearts. It is a piece I have been toying with to help address college success of students in Arkansas, where I live. I am convinced that academic ability is important, but more is needed to actually succeed in college. Notice that all seven qualities are themes throughout Building Bravehearts and can be used anywhere at no cost: character, service, passion, wisdom, mindset, relationships, and values. 

Your feedback is welcome as I refine the ideas!  

  Deep College Prep

            Only two states and the District of Columbia have worse college graduation rates than Arkansas.  Only thirty-nine percent of Arkansas students who begin a four year public college graduate within six years.

            What do we do about it?  How do we see more young people spend less time, less money, learn more, and graduate often?

I grew up in rural Kentucky with a suspect academic background.  Neither of my parents finished high school, my father only going through eighth grade.  He worked in a factory.  I should not have been one of those who graduated from college.  But, there are some reasons that I made it, reasons that go deeper than our traditional approach to increasing levels of graduation rates.  Reasons that will work for our children.

            The Department of Education has rightly focused on strengthening the quality of learning through elementary, middle, and high school.  The University of Arkansas system and other colleges are working with high schools, admissions, and incoming students to build their academic abilities.  These are needed and good.

            However, while increased academic quality is essential, we can’t stop there.  More is needed to succeed.  A student who has ability and has learned good skills and knowledge is like a basketball player who has natural ability and has been coached well.  The player needs that ability and those skills to play at a higher level.  But, he needs a lot more to succeed. He needs things like increased commitment, harder work, teamwork, coachability, and other personal qualities. A student going to college also needs ability and skills. But, the student needs strong personal qualities to actually make it through college and graduate.

            Below are seven competencies that will help any student succeed in college.  These qualities go deeper than academic ability alone.  When a student has them, the student more often succeeds and can even overcome a weaker academic background. With a good academic background and these deep college preparations, our students will have successful college experiences.

            First, a student needs strong character.  Character will keep the student making good choices when away from home.  Poor choices about time, money, and people lead to failure quickly.  Courage to do right can be learned.  Parents help children develop strong character by being examples and by making sure their children have other adults and peers who value positive character.  As parents live out good character, they should talk about what is important and why with their children, even teens.

            Second, a student should focus on others.  Learning to serve others will help a student fit into a bigger world.  If a student thinks that everything is about him and then runs into the realty in college that life isn’t that way, he crashes and gives up.  Families and schools can encourage students to meet needs in their community or further away. Becoming involved with people different than their family can help students prepare for the bigger world of college.

            Third, a student should have a passion for something important.  This passion will give him a direction in college and a reason for what he is doing.  While passions may change, parents who encourage children to pursue a purpose with heart will have children who expand their abilities, grow strong, and do amazing things.  Listen and encourage dreams.  Avoid telling a child it is impossible or that he is too young for something big.  Give him or her purpose.

            Fourth, wisdom will help a student gain respect and manage day-to-day life with friends and finances.  Wisdom is the practical application of things we know about people and life.  It says things like, “be slow to speak,” “be slow to anger,” and tells us that words are pretty empty without actions.  Expect children to pause before reacting, think about good ways to solve problems, and to treat people right.  Wisdom is a powerful gift to give children to prepare them for college success.

            Fifth, a student with a great work ethic will make good use of money and time in college.  Not everyone will be a scholar with straight A’s, but everyone can become the best they can be. Parents should not let children think that grades or honors can be bought or they deserve them.  Applaud effort, not grades or touchdowns scored.  Effort will serve students well in every situation, especially if things are hard.  A student with a mindset of working hard to make things better instead of giving up will do well in college.

            Sixth, good relationships are important for college success and life.  Lone rangers can get wrapped up in their own thoughts and not get the support that a college student needs.  They are at a great risk for emotional problems.  And, much of success in college and life depends on working with people.  Help children become involved in groups and activities in which they have an interest.  Be relentless to find a place and a group where children are doing something they enjoy with others outside of class in school, church, or the community.

            Seventh, a child who values education will find ways to get it and make it work.  Adults in children’s lives must value education and make sure their children know how important it is to them, both mothers and fathers.   While my parents didn’t finish high school, I knew all of my life that education was important to them, especially for my sister and me.  They taught us that education was the way to live a different life with opportunity that they didn’t have.  I valued it and that value kept me going.

            While these seven ideas for deeper college preparation won’t guarantee that children will succeed in college, they will give them a much better chance of a wonderful college experience that ends in graduation.  As parents, schools, and churches are intentional about preparing students in these areas, deep roots grow to support college success.  At little cost and possible for every child.

The Second Essential Question Needed for Courage: Is It Wise?

The Fuzzy

"Is it right?" was the first essential question needed for courage (See "Is It Right?").

But what happens when right is not clear?
Wisdom is needed.

Wisdom helps sort out the fuzzy. It gives confidence when knowing what to do isn't real clear. It can be figuring out if the idea is right. Or, deciding how an idea is applied to a life, how it is used. Wisdom is where truth bumps life.

Knowing that something is right gives confidence for courage. But, how can our children know if something is right and worth the risk, if it is not spelled out?

I had the audacity years ago to teach a class called "Knowing God's Will" in the Lay Institute of Dallas Seminary. I am still not sure why they let me do it, but I hope today that I at least caused no harm. I pointed the class to some ideas that I think are right. I have learned some things since then, too.

"Knowing Gods' Will"  gets down to using wisdom to decide if something is right or wrong to do. Lots of books have been written, you might go to some. But, below is a starter. These are things that a child should learn, to sort out life in the fuzzy times, to know when to step out in faith and with courage.

1. Pray. Maybe I should just stop there. James chapter one says that God gives wisdom to those who ask. The beginning point of wisdom is to put God in His place and understand life through His eyes.
2. Ask the Bible. Wisdom relies on truth, and particularly truth from the Creator. The Bible provides poignant truth for all people, about how life really works. Second step for wisdom is to see if the Bible speaks into the situation, either directly or indirectly.
3. Ask others. I am pretty confident that people have figured out whatever I am stuck on before. Ask a variety of people. Ask friends and family who love you and want your best. We can easily deceive ourselves; others help us see situations from different views and bring new and tested ideas.
4. Listen. Sometimes we don't understand and don't hear because we don't listen. Or, we are trying to listen where it is too noisy. Help your child find quiet and peaceful pockets in life so words can be heard and thoughts had. Scheduling every minute and filling the rest with screens and audio blocks truth and confuses thoughts. Outdoors seems to help, just playing or walking.
5. Know self. Help your child know his or her gifts and interests. Help your child try different parts of life to see how God made him or her. Discovering self happens best when fed with ideas and opportunities, used. Wisdom often results from following one's gifts and passions.
6. Pros and Cons. Sometimes just writing down the good and bad helps. Writing often brings clarity to thinking.
7. Feel freedom. If God is speaking and counsel is directing, feel confident to move that direction, with heart. But, a lack of being clearly told is not a reason to stand still; often the choice to move in faith is followed by understanding and affirmation. If there is nothing saying "don't," we should feel the freedom to do it. At least try.

The goal is to sort out fuzzy choices so your child can act with courage, not be afraid to try and move forward. The actions above may help. Practice helps. Wisdom is often an art more than a science, led by the Holy Spirit. Help your child to progressively practice using these tools, kind of like giving them paper and crayons. Then sharp scissors when they are ready!

Lord willing, it will be clear that the choice is the right one.

Then, the next question is: "Who should do it?"
Your child. Or someone else?

Helping a new person in school.
Giving money to missions.
Hugging a hurting friend.
Rescuing a dog from a fire.

All good. And right.
But, who should do it?

Courage not only comes from knowing it is right to do, but knowing you are the right person at that time.
How do you know? How does your child know he or she is the one, for that time and place?

Coming up: "Am I the one?"

The First Essential Question Needed for Courage: Is It Right?

Let me invite you to explore four essential questions that our children, and we, must answer to be a braveheart. Today, I will explore "Is it right?" and then catch the others in later posts. Here are the questions:
1. Is it right?
2. Is it wise?
3. Am I the one?
4. Do I trust?

With the right answer to these questions, courage happens, courage that makes a difference.

Question one: Is it right?

Are the words or the actions that are wanting courage "right" to do? And, let me add two other questions we could ask that might help in some situations: "Is it good?" or "Is it excellent?" Or, maybe you can think of other questions that would help decide if words or actions are important and hard enough to need courage. But, lets start with "Is it right?"

Knowing that something good and right needs done or said is the power behind courage, and prevents courage from slipping to foolishness. To have courage, a person must know a right or a good. A person without an understanding of right and good has no reason to be brave.

Trying to decide between right and wrong, or good and bad, can sound simplistic. Sometimes the distinction is simple and works well, but sometimes it doesn't.

For example, you can be sure that telling the truth and being kind are right. Rooted in the Bible and in most cultures, these are standards of right and wrong. If a person is being picked on, it is right to be kind to him. If the building inspector asks you if you are following code, the truthful answer is right.

Doing or saying the right thing can cost. Being kind to someone who is ostracized by the group can result in the group ostracizing the kind person. Telling the truth to a building inspector can result in more expensive work. But, they are right.

Not to become legalistic, but are we teaching children things that are cleanly right and good? Things that they will not doubt because they are taught in God's word and are common sense. And, how do we teach? It is best done by word and example. What do they know from you and me by what we teach and model, not "Do as I say and not as I do" but "Do as I say and do!" What is our source of rights and wrongs in life? What is our authority? And, what do we teach or model unintentionally?

Dana and I were just talking about some things we think our children learned from us, and some were not intentional. Between annual vacations and moving, they learned to have adventure and that moving is okay. They learned that they can live away from their parents, because we did. They learned to value books and reading: that one was intentional! What are your children learning is right and good from you?

Picking a right can get complicated. It is right to tell the truth, always. But, Paul says in Ephesians to "speak the truth in love." As in most decisions to act or speak, there is right. But, the right needs to be done in

love, for the best of the other person. The controller is love. That is clear. But, knowing what that means in any specific situation can be fuzzy. How much of the truth? Do you write a note, give a hug, or shake your finger?

Let's not get lost in the fuzzy. Fuzzy can often become an excuse to not do or say the right thing: "I don't know if this is right to say because I might hurt her, so I won't say anything." Fuzzy means be careful, not give up on doing right.

That is why we need wisdom. Wisdom sorts out the fuzzy. And, often points to the best way to act or speak.

A discussion on wisdom is coming. But, don't wait! Start now. Ask God. James 1:5 says: "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." That will hold you over!

The Power of Conviction

I am busy most of the year. You probably are, too. And your children. The busy days have little margin and sometimes in the evening the best I can do is to read a couple of lines from an old Louis L'amour novel before sleep conquers me.

Those days aren't all bad. They are rich times and I feel alive, like getting ready for a big football game or opening night of a play. It is exciting. But, when I am busy, there is a good chance that I will make a mistake and either react too strongly or skip over something that should have been addressed. If I haven't thought carefully before the busy time, it is harder to make the right choice.

When we and our children are faced with choices to make, we do one of three things:
1.  We react without thinking, which is foolish.
2.  We don't act because we don't notice or we don't see the importance.
3.  We do what is right with courage, which is wise.

The Thinker

Being too busy results in being foolish or not acting when we should. Our children become too busy with activity and information. This is probably one of the reasons that teenagers sometimes make foolish mistakes or miss needs: their minds are busy with feelings, and people, and questions so they can either react or don't even notice when the trash needs taken out or someone is talking

To make a wise choice and to act on it with courage instead of reacting or ignoring takes conviction. 

While a belief is something we know, a conviction is a belief we will act on. A conviction is an important part of ourselves, developed over time as ideas and beliefs are sifted and reworked. Before the critical moment of making a choice to do what is right, a conviction to guide and grab is needed.

The problem is that convictions don't happen if a child's mind is too busy with too much activity or information.

Convictions happen in minds that have time to take big ideas and let them become a part of the child. A conviction needs big ideas, so we need to place big ideas in our child's life. But, there must also be time to wrestle and integrate those beliefs into lives. Stimulus all of the time and always feeling hurried (who created five minute passing times between classes?) hurt developing convictions.  Before a child can be brave to do right, he or she needs time to have developed a conviction.

In a recent New York Times piece, "Decline of the Big Idea," Neil Gabler says "We are like the farmer who has too much wheat to make flour. We are inundated with so much information that we wouldn't have time to process it even if we wanted to, and most of us don't want to." He ends his article with this:  "What the future portends is more and more information--Everests of it.  There won't be anything we won't know. But there will be no one thinking about it."

The overload of busy minds will not only ruin the pursuit of big ideas, it will end bravery that comes from conviction.

Gabler also says, "In the past, we collected information not simply to know things. That was only the beginning. We also collected information to convert it into something larger than facts and ultimately more useful..." We have become so busy in our schedules and minds that we don't take time to turn information into conviction.

For what will our children stand up? For what will they risk friends, career, or life?  Not a fact, not a tweet, not a line from a new comedy. They will stand up for convictions that have had time to settle into their pores and soak into the very marrow of their bones. They will risk for important things that they have been able to move from information to belief to conviction.

How can we help our children? 

Intentionally and selectively cut off information streams. Aggressively give space in life to talk and think.  Trips in the car don't have to be filled with screens to placate cries of "he hit me," but can be filled with quiet and conversation for thoughts; it is okay to stare out of the window and count cows!  One of my twenty-something daughters just reminded me of the one-hour-a-day-of-screens rule we had when they were young.  It wasn't too bad most of the week, but Saturday mornings were tough!  If they could get me to watch with them, the time expanded. I watched some great cartoons back then, piled on the couch together.

Dinners at home, where everyone sits until the others are finished creates collaborative family thinking; it really is okay to have them wait to be excused!

You can make a schedule where chunks of time called "thinking time" or "nothing" are scheduled so they happen. Everyone can pose like "The Thinker," wouldn't that be interesting?

Read quality and time tested books to children, pray together, share family devotions, go for walks.

Where can you intentionally introduce your children to big ideas and give them time to settle those into convictions?

Your example is powerful. Share with your children what is important to you. Stand for something yourself.  Act on your convictions so your children know people do that. When was the last time you stood for something important and your children knew it? Can you list your top ten convictions, the beliefs and ideas for which you will take a stand?

Good choices will follow conviction. Choosing to do what is right requires knowing what is right before crunch time and then being willing to do something about it. Convictions developed over time from big ideas take on feet in our children's lives.

Children with conviction become bravehearts.

I hope you find ways to let big ideas seep into your child's life and grab their hearts as convictions.