A Life Well Lived

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, the evening after our high school baseball team lost in the state finals.

Tomorrow there will be an article in the newspaper about our boy's baseball team losing the state championship. Actually, it will be about the other team winning. But, our team's name will be prominent and the fact that we came in second.

This won't feel good. While a great season, best ever, having the community know you didn't win makes losing feel worse.  We will say great things about our guys, they deserve to hear those things, especially since they had won the first two outings with the championship team.  But, anyone who reads the sports will know who won the big game.

Garrett pitching

This is what happens when you are a braveheart, when you have courage and strength to make a run for something great and special. You may win. But, you may also lose. And, people will know.

Very few notice the last loss of the season for the teams who don't make the playoffs. Their losses won't be well known. It is only when you really go for something big that you run the risk of not only failing, but a lot of people knowing.

But, the alternative is to not even get there, whatever the dream or goal might be.

There is risk when you have courage. Otherwise, it isn't courage. Risk means you can lose, you can fail, you can get hurt. The bigger the goal, the more likely a lot of people know. The bigger the goal, the more likely you fail.

But, sometimes you make it. And, certainly, if you don't try and don't aim big, nothing happens. You are simply a fan of someone else trying.

I was challenged by a friend recently who had worked really hard to accomplish a big goal, with strength and courage. A goal he did not achieve.  He said, "But you talk about having courage." He thought that having courage and working hard would result in a big success.

I do believe in courage. I believe that being a braveheart is the way to become the person God intended, to use the gifts we have, to make a difference. It takes courage.

But, you can fail. There is risk.

"The knew they were alive."

Make sure the goal is worth the risk. Then go for it, with God's help. You might win. You might not. But, you will know you have lived. You have entered into something that many people don't, a life well lived. If the dream is big enough and important enough, whatever you give is worth it. Our children need to know that failing is part of a life well lived, a life intent on something bigger than ourselves.

After watching a hurtful loss by his daughter's basketball team in the Illinois high school state tournament,Wheaton College Men's Basketball Coach, Bill Harris, simply said to the other parents,"They knew they were alive."

When you have courage to play for the top, with courage and strength, win or lose, you know you are alive.

It is worth it. For us. For our children. To know they have lived, and lived well.

"The Go-Nowhere Generation"

In a New York Times article, "The Go-Nowhere Generation," Todd Bucholz and Victoria Bucholz describe a situation addressed in "Out of Sight." The Times article gives compelling reasons to make sure our children have the courage to try. The entire NYT article from March 10 can be found at "The Go-Nowhere Generation." 

Here is the beginning of "The Go-Nowhere Generation."

"Americans are supposed to be mobile and even pushy. Saul Bellow’s Augie March declares, 'I am an American ... first to knock, first admitted.' In 'The Grapes of Wrath,' young Tom Joad loads up his jalopy with pork snacks and relatives, and the family flees the Oklahoma dust bowl for sun-kissed California. Along the way, Granma dies, but the Joads keep going."

"But sometime in the past 30 years, someone has hit the brakes and Americans — particularly young Americans — have become risk-averse and sedentary. The timing is terrible. With an 8.3 percent unemployment rate and a foreclosure rate that would grab the attention of the Joads, young Americans are less inclined to pack up and move to sunnier economic climes."

"The likelihood of 20-somethings moving to another state has dropped well over 40 percent since the 1980s, according to calculations based on Census Bureau data. The stuck-at-home mentality hits college-educated Americans as well as those without high school degrees. According to the Pew Research Center, the proportion of young adults living at home nearly doubled between 1980 and 2008, before the Great Recession hit. Even bicycle sales are lower now than they were in 2000. Today’s generation is literally going nowhere. This is the Occupy movement we should really be worried about."

Young people (or anyone!) who are "risk-averse and sedentary" will not grow, use their gifts, or fulfill the best God has for them.

"The Go-Nowhere Generation" ends by saying that we must do "whatever it takes to get our kids back on the road."  They are right.

While home should be a secure place and maybe a retreat, it should give courage to launch, not stay.  How do we make home comfortable and safe, but at the same time make sure our children have the courage to leave, grow, and make a difference?

Ten Reasons to Watch Bowl Games

Below are the top ten reasons to watch bowl games. If you watch too many games, you can use the excuse that you are finding examples of these ideas to share with your children, that you are really watching football to help them!  Here are the things to look for in the games:

10.  Trite, but true:  You are either in the stands of life watching or on the field playing.  Bowl players have a passion to play, not just watch. Bravehearts are not content to sit and watch others live. Feed your children's good passions so they get out of the stands and onto their fields.

9. There are a lot of games to watch.  Our "game" is not the same as someone else's game.  While the focus of our attention and energies should be on what we are called to do, it is also good to enjoy and celebrate with others.  Bravehearts know that life isn't about them, and while each has an important arena, it is good to take time to enjoy other games and celebrate with the winners.

8. The key for each of us is to have a "game," not always and only watching others.  A high school football player will spend most of his time on his own game, even though he takes time to enjoy watching the bowls.  We all need a stadium where we make a difference in life. Help children find their place, their role, their game.

7. Bowls aren't for everyone.  Only 5.8% of high school football players play in college, and a smaller number in bowls.  Only 0.08% of highs school senior football players are drafted in the NFL.  An even smaller percentage will play in the Super Bowl.  Most of us are not going to be playing life where a lot of people are watching. What matters is that we are doing our best in our own game.  Little is only little in man's eyes. Big is doing what God asks us to do. Help children value this question "What does God want me to do?"

6. Bowl teams have players with great skills and work ethics.  The teams won't get there without skill and hard work.  While skills may vary a lot, we can all develop our own skills to their best by a mindset of hard work and growth.  A braveheart isn't afraid to try, to grow, and to work to do his or her best in the arena God provides.

5. There is no shame in losing if you have done your best.  Some of the most inspirational players and teams don't win.  But, their play inspires others because they lay it all out there, not holding back.  They have prepared hard and give everything, so when they leave the field they almost need to be carried.  Where can your children experience that exhaustion of effort?  Know your children, then give them a place to lay it all out that fits each one.
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No image to lose!

4. Giving up is sad.  Bowl players don't give up when it is hard or they are afraid. Two of my best friends and I tried out for football in ninth grade.  They were better than me, more athletic and more skilled.  But, they both quit in spring ball.  Practices were hard and they were afraid they wouldn't be the stars they were in junior high.  They didn't want to lose an image. I stuck.  I didn't play much, but I learned and enjoyed being on the team.  I guess I didn't have an image to lose!  Bravehearts know that giving up doesn't win games.  Hard work and courage keep you in it.

3. In our culture, many seem to need to be the star.  I have seen students quit a spring musical because they didn't get the leading role.  And, quit athletics because they didn't get the playing time they thought they deserved.  Besides giving up the chance to ever be a star, they also give up growing, learning, memories, and understanding how to help a group succeed.  Help children know that stardom is fragile and fleeting, but being a part of something bigger than yourself is solid and lasts.

2. Every role is important.  Maybe most important is the equipment manager who makes sure every player is not distracted and is safe to play!  Without the right equipment, no one plays.  Maybe it is a second or third string player who makes it hard for the first string player in practice, so the star gets stronger.  Maybe it is a role that no one notices, except when it doesn't happen. (What would happen to a football team if there were no groundskeepers or timekeepers?).  God gives abilities and places to use them.  Bravehearts go for it wherever they are placed, knowing that every role is important to their game's success.

1. Most important, bowl teams listen to great coaches.  Coaches fit the team together, selecting a range of roles and skills to meet needs.  They help develop abilities in the players who listen and work (if a player doesn't listen and work, he won't last long on a good team).  Coaches have a plan.While we have human coaches, bravehearts know that listening to the one Coach they can always trust and always follow will make them winners.  God wants to be followed and to give every child a place in life, prepared for him or her.  Let's teach our children to listen and follow Him, with courage.

Enjoy the games!

"Yoda, There is Try"

A few nights ago, Dana was out for the evening.  After making one of my favorite alone meals of fish sticks and beans, I pulled out our VHS copies of the original Star Wars trilogy and enjoyed some great memories and movies.  Still love it!

But, I did catch Yoda hurting the whole braveheart idea.

Yoda tells Luke, “Do, or do not.  There is no try.”  

Yoda was wrong.  In his effort to stop using “I tried” as an excuse for a half-hearted effort, Yoda may have ruined a generation who think they can go from fear and mediocrity to success and greatness without trying and the messy in-between part.  A generation that is misled to think that you either have it or your don't.

 To be successful in real life and not the movies, “try” and its companion risk of failure are real, demanding effort and courage.  Expecting success to come without the messiness of fears and possibility of failure isn’t real.  No one goes from “don’t do” to “do” without the courage to try, because “do” is not a gift or accomplished by a dream.  Waiting until you are sure you can “do” before trying keeps a lot of children in the bleachers and out of the game.  Waiting until you know you can "do" leaves out the value of growth and developing abilities.

Yoda promoted an unrealistic jump to achievement where the importance of trying is left out.  Many children don't succeed because they are stuck in bad spots where they don't try for different reasons.  Some have given up.  They feel like they can never make anyone happy, so why try?  Some have no purpose, they have found nothing outside themselves worth their energy.  Some don’t try because they think the fine life will be handed to them.  Others look around their small world and have no hope or think they have no ability.  It is a travesty for children to be stuck, without the courage to try.

But, our children don’t need to be stuck in a bad spot.  They can learn courage and be bravehearts.  And succeed. They can know you believe in them, that they are gifted, and that they have a great God they can trust. They can have courage to try, even if Yoda says there is no try.