The First Reason for Courage

Why have courage?

There are two reasons.

The first reason to be a braveheart is truth. Rock solid truth gives a reason to act with courage. If you
believe something is true and important, you can find a place for your feet and take a stand...or, take steps forward with confidence. Even steps into dangerous and uncomfortable places and situations.

Because you believe in something. Something that matters.

Truth is an accurate portrayal of reality. There is no such thing as "That is true to me, but not to you." It is either reality or it isn't, it is either true or it isn't. It may be honest to say, "This seems to be true to me, but you don't think so." That is perception, and perception is deeply influenced by culture, education, ability, and experiences. While there is only one reality, the way people see that reality can be unsteady. Which is the reason for education.

Education helps us make sure our children learn to see the world accurately, and then to act with courage in light of truth. This is what good education does: children learn to read and listen and watch, carefully and with discernment. For the sake of sorting out truth from lies. Developing skills to look at information and decide whether the information is true is a major, if not the major, reason for education. Figuring out: truth or lie?

Those decisions of truth or lie, in large and small, drive our actions. Is the advertisement true that the new car is worth the expense, or not? Is it true that the hamburger with cheese is better tasting than the one without? Are people valuable, or not? Our decisions of truth or lie determine our choices and actions.

For those who believe that the Bible is God's word and is accurate, solid truth about reality is available. Truths that give a child a reason to take a stand and to step out, even when risky. Eternal truths about God and man, about man's need, and God's answer. Eternal truths about the power of real love, hope for change and the future, and the strength of humility. And, so much more that helps children have a real, a true, understanding of life.

Truth isn't just philosophical, a propositional statement about life. It is also personal, developing and acting on an accurate and truthful view of self and those around. As Jesus says in John 8 in a fairly long discussion of truth and its value, "the truth will make you free." The more an accurate understand of reality is understood, in ideas and self, the freer we are to be something new and to walk with courage and grace in life.

How do we help our children learn to discern reality and the importance of truth?

First, make skills for discovering truth and a desire to seek truth at the top of our goals for our children, to give them the opportunity to be and do what they were created for, to walk through life with courage and impact. Don't settle for an education that doesn't care about truth and the skills needed to discover it.

Second, model a life of truth seeking and truth using. Do our children see us looking for what is true, what is reality in the big pictures of things and in our own lives? Do they see us acting on truth?

Third, make truth telling part of your child's whole day, every day. As Moses writes in Deuteronomy 6, teaching God's words throughout the day is vital. And, to be ready for teachable moments when your child asks what things mean (verse 20). How do you do this?

Satan is called the deceiver, the father of lies. He wants to teach children that there is no way to know truth and that whatever someone thinks is true is okay. If learning truth and using truth are not high on our agenda for our children, Satan wins, we lose. Children drift into the rubbery land of half-truth and "whatever someone thinks" and have no reason to have courage, to act with confidence and conviction. The belt of truth that Paul tells about in Ephesians 6 holds everything together in this battle with Satan.

Why have courage? The first reason is truth. Truth important enough to make stands and take steps in life.

Next time, the second reason for courage: love.

Les Miserables

I was transfixed by Les Miserables. I couldn't even eat my snacks, I almost felt like munching would have been disrespectful. I still haven't figured out why. I know some who hated the film. I guess I didn't hate it because it was more than a film to me,

It did something to me.

I am not a huge fan of musicals.To be honest, I didn't even know Les Miserables was a musical until ten minutes before the show and Kristie's friend told me.

Something happened. I still haven't sorted it out. Grace? Redemption? The hurt of thinking you are following God's will by demanding the rules and then grace forcing the issue to a breaking point? The people in the movie I seem to know and am so close to being the same?

All I can lift out of the pile of gold right now is Jean Valjean's repeated question, "Who am I?"

Who am I?

How did Jean Valjean have the courage to go places others didn't go, to give time and even his life? What made him brave to rescue Marius, without Cosette knowing? How did he have the strength to free Javert, the one person who could ruin him?

Who am I?

The answer lies somewhere in answering this. It is the same place for you and me. For our children. How does anyone have the courage to do ridiculous things like adopt a prostitute's child? Like disregarding personal danger to rescue another? Like loving the unlovely?

"Who am I?" is the major question adolescents must answer, according to Erik Erikson. Identity development being one of his stages of growth and development, an answer that lets you move on in life. "Who am I?" is as relevant in real life as in Les Miserables.

"He gave me hope when hope was gone,
He gave me strength to  journey on."

Who was Jean Valjean? A sinner, even though the sin that got him in trouble was stealing bread to feed poor relatives. But, he knew when he took the candlesticks of a gracious priest, he knew then that his heart was dark.

But, Jean Valjean was rescued by grace. That grace changed him. He began to pour grace on others, to love. While remaining a sinner, he was changed, changed by grace and giving grace. There is confusion even today for the sinner who is saved by grace, because the struggle of who I really am continues.

Who was Jean Valjean? What did he know about himself, in spite of his constant confusion, that gave him the courage to do great things in lives?

He knew he was a sinner. But, he knew he was rescued and given a new life by grace.
He simply wanted to give that grace to someone else because of what was given him.
He risked the good life, and life itself, to love others in need.
He had courage to do right when others didn't because he knew what had been done for him.

May our children know their darkness. And, that God gives grace putting sin far away through Jesus. That God will rescue them and change them. The greatness of that grace.
May that reality be theirs and give them the courage to love because of what is done for them, as Jean Valjean did.

Who am I? A sinner, saved by grace, like Jean Valjean.
Now what?

"We love, because He first loved us."
1 John 4:19

Tired of Parenting?

You read books about parenting. You listen to sermons. You read the Bible. You get advice from friends. You talk to teachers, youth pastors, and family.  You even read blogs, like this one.

You go to bed late, finishing the dishes after the kids are in bed. You get up. You hurry.  You drive. You pray. You worry.  You pack and unpack. You go to games and lessons and classes. You help with homework. You cook, eat, clean.  You go to work. You go to church. You make Christmas and birthdays happen. You drive some more. You tuck in little ones and you talk late to teens. You read to them and hold them. You tell them it hurts you more than them, and it is true.

All because you are committed to being the best parent you can be.

All because you want your children to grow well.

Sometimes it seems like there is so much to learn and so much to do.  To do it right.

Fred Rogers said that "life is simple and deep, but we have made it complicated and shallow." This is true for parenting. There is no long list for doing it right. What are the simple and deep things, that bring joy and freedom and refreshment in parenting?  Here are three suggestions:

1. God causes the growth, not you or me. Paul said, "I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God causes the growth." Even as parents, we are planters and waterers in the lives of our children.  We can't make them grow.  God does that.  And, He cares more about them than we do. We can't hurry growth or demand it.  Let go of this burden.  It is God's part.

2. Trust God. Philippians 4:6 and 7 say, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  I love what comes right before this in verse 5:  "The Lord is near."  Be at peace.  He is right here taking care of you and your children.  He knows, He cares, and He is strong. He is near.

3. Keep it simple. Love God. Love people. Love them unconditionally; there is no cost or burden or list of activities to do that. "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." "Bring them up" requires being there and knowing them and caring, very relational, love. Teach and talk and hold them for Him. Let them know you care about them and care about Jesus. They will forgive your mistakes if they know you care. Just be there. Most other things don't really matter so much.

We can get lost in good advice and good things to do. And, get tired.

So much really isn't important.

If you get tired, consider what is important.  Consider what you can do and can't do. Consider God's grace and deep love for you and your children. Let Him love them and you. Let Him work.

May God carry you along and take away the burdens you don't need to carry.  May you be able to freshly love.  And, be loved.

You are in good hands.
Relax.
Peace.

And, maybe you have other ideas that will help, that you can share below.

Courage to Have God's Best

Recently I preached a sermon on Deuteronomy, a rich experience for me. Our church is going through the entire Bible in a year. Since that means one or more books in a week, we are getting a chance to get the big picture.

Deuteronomy's big picture is about having courage to live in God's best.

Years before, Israel failed to go into the Promised Land because they were afraid.  While the land was as great as God had told them, Israel were afraid of the big people in the Land and rebelled against God.  They didn't get God's best because of fear.  A whole generation of warriors died while the nation wandered for forty years.

In Deuteronomy, Israel stands to the east of the Jordan, ready to complete the conquest and to live in the Promised Land.

Will they overcome the fear from forty years before, take the Land, and live well there?

Moses pours himself out in Deuteronomy in three sermons.  He is about to die and he so much wants the nation to move in the Land that God gave them and to live well there.

Moses says four things to help Israel overcome fear and move in the Land.  The same four will help us and our children overcome the fear of moving into the life that God has prepared for us.

First, remember our story.  In chapters 1-3, Moses reminds Israel of their story, of God's direction and care for them.  God wants us to remember what He has done for us, our story, so when we face something hard, we know we have been there before and He is faithful. How do we help our children remember their story?  Books, pictures, telling stories, or a bulletin board with memories of God's care and rescue?  What else?

Second, God's steadfast love. In chapters 4-11, Moses shows God's steadfast love for His people.  It is about relationship and God's commitment to them.  And, their commitment and love to Him. As we learn more and  more about God's deep love, we know He won't leave us and will be there.  There is no need to fear the obstacles in the way of His best for us.  Church, family devotions, quiet moments in a busy life, and a parent's unconditional love will help children know God's love.

Third, standards for living well.  In chapters 12-26, Moses gives specific ways to live well in God's Promised Land.  It isn't enough just to get there, but living well and rightly for generations is his dream and God's provision.  While the specifics don't fit our world, the idea of teaching our children to live well is the same.  What principles of life, biblical and not, will help our children live a life of courage in their own Promised Land?

I noticed that most of the directions Moses gave are costly, either time or money.  Feasts and providing for the poor costs money.  Taking care of a neighbor's donkey or praying for someone costs time. Living in God's best for us and our children is not about comfort and privilege, it is about celebrating and caring, about loving God and loving people.  God's best for us is costly.  But, worth every penny and second.

Fourth, choices to make.  In chapters 27-34, Moses declares that Israel has to make choices, between life and death, between bad and good.  And, there are consequences.  Will we and our children have the courage to choose to live well, to enter the life God has for us, even if there are monsters and it is costly?

If we remember God's care in our own story and reflect on God's rock solid love for us and our family, we can face the fears that come with living the great life He has for us.  He is trustworthy and able.

May our children have the courage to enter God's best and live well there.

The Last Day of Class

This week my Marriage and Family class ended.  Working as a principal normally takes away my time to teach, so it was a joy to work with my twenty juniors and seniors this semester.  But, I felt a little like Jesus in John 16 when He said He had so much more to tell his disciples, but they weren't ready and He knew His time was short with them.  I had so much more to say!

So, I was down to one class to try to give them everything important about marriage and family, summarizing what we studied and covering what I left out.  Here is the handout I gave them:

(I did not know it was going to look like a face as I drew it...you can make the bottom line smile or sad, or turn it into a mustache so it looks like me.)

Let me explain, although I can only take a stab at the thirty minute talk and what the students knew from the semester.  I believe that the key elements for a positive marriage and family are here.

1. The triangle.  God is at the top.  The closer you and your spouse get to God, the closer you get to each other.  Restoring intimacy in marriage that was lost in the fall is a major goal for a couple.  Emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical intimacy grows as God is included and both get closer to Him.

2.  The left circle.  Marriage.  Number one to make a marriage good is to know "It is not about you."  While each person in a great marriage enjoys many benefits and joys, what makes it work is each person's commitment to serve the other.  As long as we focus on our job (love or submit/respect) and not on what we get, marriage is a lot more likely to be a great one.  Marriage is one of the best ways to mature because we have to learn "it is not about us" for it to work.  Giving up self, just what Jesus did, makes marriage work.

3. The right circle. Children.  Number one is to "Be there."  Parents cannot abdicate their responsibility or give it away to schools, babysitters, or churches.  Only a present parent can model, teach, and answer questions (a la Deuteronomy 6). Being there allows a parent to "bring them up" in God's discipline and instruction.  Children don't need you there 24/7 or smothering, but they need to know that you are on their side, always watchful and ready to be their parent. Even if you can't be there physically, let them know you are there for them and on their side.

4. Above the line.  Unconditional love.  In all relationships, commit to the other person's best, no matter what they do. Love that is unearned, that does not require performance, that never waivers in spite of the actions of the other is God's type of love for us.  It is there, even when discipline is needed and even when the prodigal leaves.  It waits and welcomes back.  It is about the other person. Know them and love them so they know they are loved.

5. Below the line.  No regrets.  This doesn't mean perfect relationships, but it means reconciling when things aren't right.  Asking for forgiveness and giving forgiveness.  Keeping accounts short.  What will you regret in twenty or thirty years?  Do what you have to do now, right now, to fix it.  You never know what is going to happen in life, so by God's help, live with no regrets.

That's it.  Creating a marriage and family where bravehearts can thrive, where love is free and life is lived well.

Oh, and one more.  Pray.  In class we prayed every day for our families to be protected.  Good families are under attack.  And we prayed for their future spouses.  They are alive now and need their prayers.  And, pray for those God calls to singleness, it is gift and a high calling.

May God help my class as they move into their futures.  May God heal what is broken and protect what is sound.  And, may God give you joy in your marriage and family.

I Believe in You

I believe in you.

I know these are living words that seep into your being.

I know they will give you courage because someone is for you.

I know all children need to feel that mom and dad believe in them.

I know how sad it is when you feel alone.

I believe in you.

Not because you are perfect, you are not.

Not because you will always love me back, you will not.

Not because you are better than someone else, you are not.

Not because you did something, it is a gift.

I believe in you.

"Come now, and I will send you to Pharaoh."  "But...who am I?" "I will be with you."

"I have appointed you a prophet." "I do not know how to speak and am a youth." "Do not be afraid."
"Do not look at his appearance...God sees not as man sees."  "The youngest is tending the sheep." "Send for him."
"Now God granted Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the commander."
"For I am the least of the apostles, and not fit to be called an apostle because I persecuted the church."
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them."

I believe in  you.
Because you are mine, a trust God has placed in my hands for a time.
Because I am yours, I will be here for you and you can count on me.
Because you are gifted and called.
Because you are created for good works.
Because God loves you and gave His son for you.
Because I love you and nothing you can do will ever rattle my love, you are my child.

I believe in you.
I will do my best to be there for you.
I will do my best to hold you when you need held and let you go when you need wings.
I will do my best to tell you that you are a rebel, saved by grace.
I will do my best to tell you that you are saved by grace and gifted for a reason.
I will do my best to love you enough to discipline and to teach you eternity.

I believe in you.
You are God's child, prepared for good works.
Go and be.  I will be here to catch you.  I will be here to watch you fly.

A Call for Christian Risk

When I began Building Bravehearts, I decided that I wanted the bulk of blogs to be original.  But, I have bumped into other folks who have something strong to say about helping you raise your child with courage.

John Piper

Below is an almost ten year old article by John Piper that is so relevant, about the need for risk and courage.  It underscores the importance of intentionally raising bravehearts who become the people God wants and are free to love His way.

Pipers thoughts:

"For the followers of Jesus the final risk is gone. "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1). "Neither death nor life . . . will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 3:38-39). "Some of you they will put to death. . . . But not a hair of your head will perish" (Luke 21:16, 18). "Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live" (John 11:25).

"When the threat of death becomes a door to paradise the final barrier to temporal risk is broken. When a Christian says from the heart, "To live is Christ and to die is gain," he is free to love no matter what. Some forms of radical Islam may entice martyr-murderers with similar dreams, but Christian hope is the power to love, not kill. Christian hope produces life-givers, not life-takers. The crucified Christ calls his people to live and die for their enemies, as he did. The only risks permitted by Christ are the perils of love. "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you" (Luke 6:27-28).

"With staggering promises of everlasting joy, Jesus unleashed a movement of radical, loving risk-takers. "You will be delivered up even by parents . . . and some of you they will put to death" (Luke 21:16). Only some. Which means it might be you and it might not. That's what risk means. It is not risky to shoot yourself in the head. The outcome is certain. It is risky to serve Christ in a war zone. You might get shot. You might not.

"Christ calls us to take risks for kingdom purposes. Almost every message of American consumerism says the opposite: Maximize comfort and security - now, not in heaven. Christ does not join that chorus. To every timid saint, wavering on the edge of some dangerous gospel venture, he says, "Fear not, you can only be killed" (Luke 12:4). Yes, by all means maximize your joy! How? For the sake of love, risk being reviled and persecuted and lied about, "for your reward is great in heaven" (Matthew 5:11-12).

"There is a great biblical legacy of loving risk-takers. Joab, facing the Syrians on one side and the Ammonites on the other, said to his brother Abishai, "Let us be courageous for our people . . . and may the LORD do what seems good to him" (2 Samuel 10:12). Esther broke the royal law to save her people and said, "If I perish, I perish" (Esther 4:16). Shadrach and his comrades refused to bow down to the king's idol and said, "Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us . . . But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods" (Daniel 3:16-18). And when the Holy Spirit told Paul that in every city imprisonment and afflictions await him, he said, "I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course" (Acts 20:24).

"Every Christian," said Stephen Neil about the early church, "knew that sooner or later he might have to testify to his faith at the cost of his life" (A History of Christian Missions, Penguin, 1964, p. 43). This was normal. To become a Christian was to risk your life. Tens of thousands did it. Why? Because to do it was to gain Christ, and not to was to lose your soul. "Whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 16:25).

"In America and around the world the price of being a real Christian is rising. Things are getting back to normal in "this present evil age." Increasingly 2 Timothy 3:12 will make sense: "All who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted." Those who've made gospel-risk a voluntary life-style will be most ready when we have no choice. Therefore I urge you, in the words of the early church, "Let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured. For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come" (Hebrews 13:13-14).

"When God removed all risk above
He loosed a thousand risks of love."


By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org
May 29, 2002

Thawing Cold Hearts

Dana and I climbed to Agnes Vaille Falls three weeks ago, in the mountains outside of Buena Vista, Colorado.  Agnes Vaille isn't a hard climb, lots of dogs and children.  But, it is always a great introduction to the thin air of the mountains before harder trails.  You climb along a rushing stream to the falls and look up to see it cascading over the rim, probably sixty or seventy feet above, bouncing off boulders to where you stand.

Agnes, like most of the water in the Arkansas River Valley, is fed by snow melt.  Because of unusual heat a few days before our trip, the snow melted so fast that the Arkansas River was flowing over forty-five hundred cubic feet per second creating dangerous white water.  When we arrived, it had settled to a more normal, but still stout, twenty-five hundred. As temperatures warm in the summer, snow packs melt, then icy water flows down Agnes Vaille and countless other streams to the Arkansas River providing wonderful hiking, sightseeing, and rafting. Without the snow melt from the mountains, Agnes Vaille Falls and the entire whitewater industry on the Arkansas river wouldn't be

When our children have lost heart, they can be like the snow pack that sits on top of the mountain, not making a difference.  Stuck.  Not fulfilling their purpose.  Until someone comes along who warms them, who touches them so that they melt and join the race down the mountain with others fulfilling the best God has for them.

How do you warm a cold, lost heart, a child who has given up and does not have the courage to try? How do we keep a child's warm heart flowing?

Unconditional love can penetrate and warm any heart.  When we love a child as God loves us, freely and without regard to what we do or don't do, the child has no reason to stay cold.  Love, God's way, is patient since some hearts need time to melt life's snow pack.  Does your child know you love him or her like this? Freely and patiently, not only when she is "good" or he makes you happy but when there is no response.  Being accepted and cherished, without condition, lets the warmth of love thaw a lost heart, freeing the child to take the next step toward joining others pursuing God's call on his or her life.  The mighty Arkansas River is nothing without warmth starting the flow, just like our children.

Photo from a great site at ColoradoGuy.com